The experience of others in divorce

Overconfidence bias can be a problem in many areas of life. Drivers often drive too fast or while intoxicated due to overconfidence bias, believing themselves to be highly-skilled drivers based purely on their, to that point in time, not having been involved in an accident.

If you have not been through a divorce in Missouri, you may think you understand the process and how it will all work. Maybe you have had a friend or acquaintance that has been divorced. If they have shared details of their case, you may have some insight into the process, but your experience will not be identical. Your spouse, judge, attorneys and you are all different and will lead to a different experience.

But there are some basic facts that are often learned from hard experience. One man writes a list of things, and these all can be helpful for you to gain some perspective on the divorce experience.

He notes many things that are “common sense” if you have been divorced. Recognizing the limits of what your attorney can do, that you will have to provide the proper documents and that courts will demand and expect evidence, that you should control your anger and limit your contact with your soon-to-be former spouse, especially physical contact.

He points out, counter-intuitively that you should “respect your ex,” because it will prevent you from engaging in counterproductive activity that could incite further irrational behavior on their part.

You cannot control or direct your spouse, but by being “kind, respectful and caring,” your deny them material that could enrage them and cause them to engage in destructive behavior that will only prolong the divorce and increase the unpleasantness.

This will not be easy; you may want to lash out and be mean or cruel. He experienced a very experience and painful divorce and if he recommends you avoid such conduct, it comes from hard experience.

Source:, “10 Tips for Men to Survive a Divorce, Save Tons of Money and Stay Out of Jail,” Matt Sweetwood, May 1, 2016

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