Being a peacemaker versus a warmaker

A recent article suggests that the way for dads to have positive results in their custody cases is to be seen as a peacemaker versus a warmaker in the courtroom.  “A peacemaker does not cause disruptions.  A peacemaker is not inflammatory.  A peacemaker doesn’t engage in name calling.”

This is the exact opposite of what a lot of fathers believe based on misinformation often disseminated to them.

You may think that your soon-to-be ex-wife is evil and vile and think you should tell the judge in writing.  However, the article suggests that this is not wise because you will be seen as a warmaker versus a peacemaker.  Instead, the writer suggests that you should find more mature ways to persuade peacefully.

The article gives a couple good examples:

Rather than resorting to name-calling, you could say: “Your Honor, I admire my wife’s emotional nature when it’s loving. But it seems she wants to blame me alone for the divorce. The facts are: I picked her, she picked me, we have a child, we’ve made a mess of our marriage and we need to shield our child from the fallout. I understand her anger, bitterness and disappointment. I’ve felt it myself and I am finally moving past blaming my wife….”

Or this: “Maybe my wife is scared that she will lose our child. I would never take our child away from her. I can’t understand why she wants to do that to me. I’m a good dad, not a perfect dad. The truth is this: We’re both GREAT parents who love our child. I’ll be the first to admit it. I can understand her anger, but it’s hurting our child. I’m prepared to wipe the slate clean, even if my wife can’t see her way to doing that right now…”

In representing countless fathers in child custody cases, Stange Law Firm believes that the overall theme of this article is correct.  Judges for the most part are looking to award custody to the more mature parent.  This means that men can boldy present their position in court from a position of strength.  However, dads who appear angry, cynical and overly aggressive are often seen as warmakers.  Warmakers usually do not do well in custody cases.

Source: Ezines Articles, “Divorced Dads Tips – How to Persuade Your Family Court Judge,” Danny Guspie, Feb. 8, 2008.

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